


What If?

by AnarchyIsFreedom



Series: Richie Coming Out [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Richie Tozier, Gen, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22835689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnarchyIsFreedom/pseuds/AnarchyIsFreedom
Summary: Richie hasn't spent a lot of time with his friends, not after realizing his feelings for Eddie.OrThe second time Richie comes out to a friend.
Relationships: Implied - Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier & Mike Hanlon, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris
Series: Richie Coming Out [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641646
Kudos: 46





	What If?

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read so just hit me with any errors in the comments.

It was one of the Loser's Clubs' bi-monthly sleepovers. This one being the last Saturday of the month. In addition to avoiding the clubhouse in favor of heading home or to the arcade everyday after school, Richie missed the last two, he figured his friends wouldn't be happy to find out they'd been sleeping in the same room as a- as someone like him. He didn't even want to go to this one, but Stan convinced him. He was very insistent that Rich 'Stopped being an idiot and realized they all love him' or whatever. He could only say that because he wasn't the one with a horrible secret.

The party was fun, pizza, soda, video games. They all traded off playing The Legend Of Zelda, having only gotten through half the game before night because A) Bev wanted so see how many dungeons she could beat out of order, and B) Bill had to bomb every single bomb-able spot in the game.

He fell back in the rhythm a lot quicker than he expected to. He figured it would be awkward and he would be awkward and he'd resort to going to be early or just going home. Instead, he played, laughed, joked, and sang, just like normal. In fact, he sang so many Rush songs that the entire group -sans Ben who was currently controlling Link- started belting him with couch cushions and any other soft thing they could find to hit him with.

The day felt amazing. He missed his friends, and he was able to put his worries on the back burner.

But at night, they all came back. Without games or music or conversation for distraction, all his fears crept back up. Richie wanted to disappear when the boys were all changing in Bill's room. He thought about leaving the room but then he'd just draw attention to himself. But if they find out his secret they're going to remember him being in the room and not saying anything he can't even use the excuse that he hadn't known at the time but he definitely knows now and Stan knows he knows so that's not an option anymore. What if they feel betrayed by him? Or exploited? He didn't want to tell them but he didn't want them to think back and see him as a creep.

He ended up changing in the corner.

When they were setting up their sleeping bag he made sure to sleep as far away from Eddie as he could, because Jesus if his feelings ever came out he needed to have ever shred of evidence that he tried to stop his crush.

He wanted to sleep in another room or call his mom to go home or sleep against the wall or something but before he could decide Stan grabbed Richie's sleeping bag and set it up between his and Mike's.

Richie tried to sleep but his racing heart was keeping him up. His brain flooded with worries of what his other friends might do or say when they find out. He wants to tell them -needs to tell them- but what if they hate him? But he has to because what if they find out about Bower's cousin and then they'll know but he won't know that they know? But what if he tells them and they can't stand him anymore? What if they think he's been perving on them? What if they chase him away, yelling "Fag" loud enough for everyone in a mile radius to hear? What if they-

"Richie?" A soft voice cut through his thoughts.

He steadied his heartbeat and breathing, focusing his brain on whoever was talking to him.

"Richie?" The voice, Mike's, repeated again, a little louder than before.

He opened his eyes slightly as Mike pushed himself up on his elbows, turned to look in Richie's direction.

"Sup, Mikey?"

"You okay?"

"I'm good, dude. I just can't sleep with our redheaded beauties' snoring. You hear that shit? Sounds like a goddamn freight train filled with fireworks crashing into a space shuttle" Richie laughed as he exaggeratedly threw himself on his back.

Mike however, didn't seem convinced.

"You've been acting weird all month. What's going on?" He sounded genuinely worried.

Richie looked around the room, searching for movement from any of the other losers. Stan seemed to be shuffling a small bit, but that didn't dissuade him. If anything, he felt better knowing someone who knows and still loves him might be there if things go wrong here.

He bit his lip while he settled back into his sleeping. Maybe, maybe he could tell Mike. He'd understand, right? Well maybe not _understand_ but, understand.

"Would-" He cuts himself off with a deep breath he didn't mean to take, "Would you ever hate me? Even if I did something bad?"

Mike takes a bit to answer, the silence feeling akin to suffocating, "Richie. I don't think I could ever hate you. Even if you like, killed someone. I mean, I'd probably be upset about you murdering someone, but I would still care about you."

The words were meant to be comforting, he knows that, but they froze all the courage he built himself. At least Mike wouldn't hate him, that's... something. But what if he's still mad at him? Or thinks he's a freak? What if turns into 'I love you but I want nothing to do with you if you don't become normal'

More silence followed. He wanted to break it, he did. He wanted to make a joke or change the subject or claim to be falling asleep or something but he couldn't force his voice out.

He could feel his eyes on him, "Whatever you want to tell me, I'm pretty sure it won't be as bad a murder. Like, 98, maybe 97 percent su-"

"I'm gay." He doesn't mean to interrupt. He doesn't even mean to say it so bluntly. The words just rocket out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

There's a pause. It might have been ten seconds or ten hours, he isn't sure. But in that time, he managed to think of the hundreds of ways he just fucked himself over. Still, Mike remains silent. Maybe he fell asleep? Or he's waiting for the punchline. Yeah, that must be it.

He let out a raspy laugh, "I can't believe you fell for that! I really had you going there. As if I'm some fairy!" His voice is careful and stiff as he flips over to face away.

He felt Mike watching him but remained focused on evening out his breathing. He squeezed his eyes tight and felt the tears slip out. He holds his breath as he hears Mike laying back down.

"I know you were just joking," his voice came out soft and quiet and definitely not the tone you would take if you were talking about a joke, "but if you were, it wouldn't matter. You'll always be my friend. I don't care who you date."

Richie takes a deep, stabilizing breath, readying himself to respond, "Aww, you're so kind, Mikey-boy" He meant to sound sarcastic, and he's sure Mike knows that too, but it comes out sincerely.

Shuffling is heard before he feels something small and soft hit his head. He grabs the object -a pillow- and tucks it under his head.

"Oh cool, a pillow!"

"Richie..."

"Shouldn't have hit me with it if ya didn't want me to steal it, Micheal Angelo" He wore a smirk until he felt one of his pillows be pulled out from under him.

He let out a small whine at Mike's laughter before joining in.

"Goodnight, Richie."

"'Night, Mike"

He felt himself start to fall asleep, almost missing someone gently touching his arm. He opened his eyes to see Stan giving him an encouraging smile.

His eyes were still wet as he smiled back, a big, sincere smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sick and tried and busy but I really wanted to write this down so. Have this junk pile.


End file.
